| closure is GOOD! |
[Mar. 20th, 2005|12:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The walls are breaking on this Fools Tower | ] |
So, I have not really been around... herrrm. Ahhh sorry for that. I know I have at least a very few faithful LJ stalkers and while I love you and will no doubt be checking back to find out how you are, I believe Snuggledust has taken her last breath as my alias... (at least for now)
I don't know. It's been a hard time... this period of life. And I've had two very wonderful aliases under which I have documented. I feel right now as though I need to let that go. I'm trying so hard to clean out the crap in my life.
I am SOMEONE and....
I'm heading SOMEWHERE and that's probibly a little different than a lot of you who know me from the past expected... but the last few months I have salitified changes in myself. I've always been a person of high ambitions and standards. And I was never sure if I was going to live them... I'm more confident now than ever that I can and I will
I GOT INTO SMITH
okay, so now I'm planing on heading out this summer for more school and adventures in Northampton, Mass. I'll be attending the most prestigious Clinical School of Social Work in the Country... who the hell knows where they'll be sending me for the following year... I need to spread my wings and fly...
So this past year I've dumped a lot of shit out of my life... and for once I was a bitch... I was assertive and played things out for my own atvantage... and I've hurt people... and while that's not something I normally like to do. It needed to be done and continues to be so. So I'm SPRING CLEANING my life out. I feel wonderful for it. I've been busy with my health which has taken a dive this season change, I'm off painting for my symposium presentation on the Inner Voice of Art Therapy... finishing all my grad requirements.... having fun with some friends who know what it's all about and getting life in order.
I've found new SN's to hide behind and yes I have indeed been hiding my friends... Aim Ghosting is so much fun when one is being anti-social... and I'm opening a new LJ and maybe if your real smooth my LJ friends you'll find me out.. or ... not
but anywhoo it's a Tah Tah For Now from me. ~Snuggledust |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|07:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hang - Matchbox 20 | ] |
[Mel I love this memegen, it's uber funny, lol]
( Read more... ) |
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| Lonely Girl |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|06:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ..... ? | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Welcome to My Life - Simple Plan | ] |
( hiding ) |
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| It's okay |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|03:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Autobiography - Ashlee Simpson | ] |
It's okay.... that's all I have to really say.
( you sure? )
~Snuggledust |
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| Flog to death or accept |
[Feb. 12th, 2005|09:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  unsure | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Be My Girl - Jet | ] |
Horoscope:
This influence gives you the chance, with positive support from the quality of time, to start to look into, or to delve deeper into, those areas of knowledge which try to give practical answers to human problems. These include not only all forms of healing, but also psychology and astrology as well as areas such as sociology and education. This is a good time to go deeper into the theoretical, philosophical fundamentals of your subject. The danger of this influence lies in the intellectualization and "flogging to death" of experiences and situations which actually call for feeling or sympathy. On the wholly personal level, to do with you or someone close to you, such an approach hinders a compassionate understanding and effective acceptance of psychological realities.
My favorite phrase... "I am an Angsty Mess", OH yes.....
I find delving into acedemic study to be a release as I have no clue where to go and what to think concerning everything else... I don't know who to trust right now and I simply am reacting by suspecting everyone....
~Snuggledust |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|11:28 pm] |
Horoscope: At this time you have to deal with your own hurt feelings - either you are reminded of old wounds by some incident, or a sore point is disturbed again. Maybe you feel a little weak and are conscious of a certain aversion to handling the usual everyday interchanges - a feeling as if you were coming down with flu. If you now have the need to be alone, then that is what you should really do. If you make too many demands on yourself or if you are not left in peace, you may become hurtful to others
.... Hits home a bit
~Snuggledust |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|11:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Simply Because - Rooney | ] |
I found an interesting description of THE TOWER.... it just made me think a bit more about myself and where my life is headed. Sometimes I wish my card wasn't such a powerful and unforgiving force... there is no gray area. With THE TOWER it just is... I'll jsut have to keep learning as it crumbles and falls
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How can the Fool free himself from the Devil? Can he root out his influence? The Fool may only find release through the sudden change represented by the Tower. The Tower is the ego fortress each of us has built around his beautiful inner core. Gray, cold and rock-hard, this fortress seems to protect but is really a prison.
Sometimes only a monumental crisis can generate enough power to smash the walls of the Tower. On Card 16 we see an enlightening bolt striking this building. It has ejected the occupants who seem to be tumbling to their deaths. The crown indicates they were once proud rulers; now they are humbled by a force stronger than they.
The Fool may need such a severe shakeup if he is to free himself, but the resulting revelation makes the painful experience worthwhile. The dark despair is blasted away in an instant, and the light of truth is free to shine down.
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Oh and how I feel I've played the Fool for so many and for myself so many times over... and I have't learned to let it all go yet... but slowly now I'm pulling the walls down... puting them back up [yes I have been doing that lately] But I'll pull them down yet... I know I'll have to eventually.
~Snuggledust |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|07:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Radio Silence - Harvey Danger | ] |
DRAMA WARS that's what is seems to have been this week or at least resolving and formulating plans of reaction and support. It seems so silly and so odd to be back dealing with the same kind of people forcing me into the same kind of situation I was in five years ago. Yet, they say life revolves in a circle so I was bound to face it again. I can only say that I'm getting through it. I'M NOT WEAK... I've learned to assert myself and make sure my needs are met. There are some things I just can't tolerate. I never wanted to put people in tough situations, I don't like ultimatums... but I need to take care of myself and as a friend you should be there to take care of me to, as I have been there for all my friends at one time or another. I don't come right out and ask people for help. In fact I avoid it quite often. So when I actually ask or tell you something that means it’s serious and fraught with meaning.
But I keep moving on... I'm doing a good job at that.
"All my life's a circle
A sunrise and sundown
The moon rolls through the night time
As the day break comes around
All my life's a circle
But I can't tell you why
The seasons keep on spinning
And the years keep rolling by"
~ Harry Chapin
So we pulled a WALMART run which was so funny... Detto and I always seem to amuse people whenever we go out shopping together. Oh and she so has to speak like Ulga is her Russian accent next time we go. I wonder if that silly boy will be working again, you can tease him with Detto... hehehe. I don't know whenever we're out together or just together rather the little kid in me comes out... We come up with the most twisted silly things ever. But I have learned never make Detto MAD at you she has some twisted ideas for revenge...
So then we finished out the night by going to the 24hr CVS to buy Hope hair dye and evidently I required hair products as well. Then this weird guy was kinda hitting on us in line. Actually we concluded he just wanted us to take him back to the dorm for ramen... we though of a few people we would have loved to foist him off on during the ride him but alas we had left him behind. But we had a very interesting conversation there too.... and I managed a witty comment and of course I was proud of myself for the rest of the night. [ oh and I drove Detto's car around campus, I was terrified and I think she enjoyed it... but it was good ] So I've had my fill this week... I need to get things accomplished....
I'm just going to keep reminding myself that I'm "EXEMPLORY" and that I can do it all. I'm going to do what is best for me right now and let all the others make the choices that a right for them. I'm moving on....
~Snuggledust |
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| Harry Potter |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|05:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| You scored as Albus Dumbledore. You are very wise, observant, and analyctical. You have a very "well-organized" mind, which makes you function in a calm and fair manner. Though you get angered easily, its rare of you to ever act our of temper. You are constantly seeing the good in people and are naturally forgiving because of it. You're easy to please and a great person to learn from.
Albus Dumbledore | | 84% | Sirius Black | | 75% | Luna Lovegood | | 72% | Hermione Granger | | 72% | Neville Longbottom | | 69% | Ron Weasley | | 69% | Severus Snape | | 69% | Bellatrix Lestrange | | 53% | Oliver Wood | | 50% | Lord Voldemort | | 50% | Harry Potter | | 44% | Percy Weasley | | 44% | Remus Lupin | | 44% | Draco Malfoy | | 22% | </td>
Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| Closed Session |
[Nov. 14th, 2004|07:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nickleback - Woke Up This Morning | ] |
So now I've taken nearly every entry I've made since my return to school and privatized it for either myself or my select friends...
I feel lost without being able to, as I put it, "send my feelings out into the universe" through my Journaling. It was supposed to be a place I could be honest for once with myself and to put it out there so that those who really want to know what goes on inside can read. It was never intended to be judged... never intended to hurt. It was my venting place.... the counselor... the therapist... the Auntie, whatever nick name you prefer needs a place to voice herself.
That feeling has been violated by some. I'm not sure what I'll do. Perhaps I'll keep my entries private as much as that hurts me. Or perhaps I'll stop writing all together. But you can be sure that this will be my only journal. I get very attached to things. SN, email addresses are no different than relationships, possessions, and so on..... there will be no replacing the truth here with something else.
I've said my peace.
~Snuggledust |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|09:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | MB20 - Long Day | ] |
I F***ing hate this... I'm not allowed to be myself anywhere. I can't express, I can't vent... I can't feel safe even in writing.
So I'm paranoid, so I'm depressed, I'm an anti-social hibernating mess. F*** you. Let me be and let me be me.... I need to be irrational somewhere. I need somewhere to process. I need some kind of support. Goodness knows...........
F*** OFF
~Snuggledust |
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| Independent Woman |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|10:46 pm] |
G:Your Beauty lies
in Individuality. Different, amazing, and all your
own. You like be set apart
from all others and most love that you do. You are
solitary at times, but for
the most part, there is no greater compliment to
you than someone telling you
that you are different. You're most likely a bit of
a fighter and you hate it
when anyone attempts to change who you are. You
wear what you want, look how you
want and don't let anyone tell you what do to. You
can be a little immature at
times and have trouble dealing with authority and
asking others for help. You
like to do things yourself and are independent
almost to a fault. But, people
still find your individuality amazing and the fact
that no matter what happens
or what anyone else anyone thinks about it, you
will not change who you are.</font>
Some Things
That Represent You:
Element:
Dark, Fire Animal: White Tiger Color:
Bold Colors, Odd
Colors Song: Just They Way I Am by Angel
Expression: Smirk
Gemstone:
Bloodstone Mythological Creature: Phoenix,
Dragon Sign:
Leo Planet: Pluto
Hair Color: Unnatural Colors Eye
Color:
Amber
Quote:
"You laugh because I'm different. I laugh
because you're all the same."
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla
you know I'm not very sure this represents me to well, but hell it was a pretty picture and I do so love quizes...... Let me know what you think.
~Snuggledust |
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| the bitter Muse strikes again |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|07:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thirsty - yummy orange juice | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Creed - faceless man | ] |
Well I'm the creative one tonight.....
~ Mirrored Patterns ~
Patterns of nothing circle the time
Battles of pain shatter like this glass of mine
I stand alone amongst the shards
A broken mirror reflecting lies
Shows me shadows of nothing and everything
Everything and nothing at the same time
And where do I stand
Where do I die
Left among this tattered lie
A life built among pieces
Parts never meet as whole
This mirror was broken a long time to go
Under my feet pieces break yet again
Splintering segments that cut me to bleed
leaving me suffering, a suffering need
__________________________________________________
~Snuggledust |
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| Uncomfortable questions |
[Oct. 30th, 2004|10:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  predictable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | rain.... tap tap tap | ] |
TODAY'S HOROSCOPE: www.astro.com
Uncomfortable questions
At this time you may try to come to a rational understanding of painful episodes in your life. You may ask critical and uncomfortable questions. Were all the rejections and dismissals and the scars they left behind really necessary? Is there such a thing as meaningless suffering? By asking these questions you try to come to terms with both your own and others' pain and suffering. We all have to deal with them, because life will confront us with such problems again and again. And even if old psychological wounds cannot be healed by asking probing questions or by analysing them, it is natural and necessary that your intellect refuses to accept this. These are questions that you can only ask yourself, as others may find them unsettling and hurtful.
******************************************************************
And some people wonder why I relate to THE TOWER so much.... I am THE TOWER... I think THE TOWER... I live THE TOWER.
******************************************************************
THE TOWER www.aeclectic.net
Basic Card Symbols
A tower on a rocky outcropping, a powerful bolt of lightning, one or two figures falling from the tower, sometimes waves crashing below.
Basic Tarot Story
As the Fool leaves the throne of the Goat God, he comes upon a Tower, fantastic, magnificent, and familiar. In fact, The Fool, himself, helped build this Tower back when the most important thing to him was making his mark on the world and proving himself better than other men. Inside the Tower, at the top, arrogant men still live, convinced of their rightness. Seeing the Tower again, the Fool feels as if lightning has just flashed across his mind; he thought he'd left that old self behind when he started on this spiritual journey. But he realizes now that he hasn't. He's been seeing himself, like the Tower, like the men inside, as alone and singular and superior, when in fact, he is no such thing. So captured is he by the shock of this insight, that he opens his mouth and releases a SHOUT! And to his astonishment and terror, as if the shout has taken form, a bolt of actual lightning slashes down from the heavens, striking the Tower and sending its residents leaping out into the waters below.
In a moment, it is over. The Tower is rubble, only rocks remaining. Stunned and shaken to the core, the Fool experiences grief, profound fear and disbelief. But also, a strange clarity of vision, as if his inner eye has finally opened. He tore down his resistance to change and sacrifice (Hanged man), then broke free of his fear and preconceptions of death (Death); he dissolved his belief that opposites cannot be merged (Temperance) and shattered the chains of ambition and desire (The Devil). But here and now, he has done what was hardest: destroyed the lies he held about himself. What's left is the bare, absolute truth. On this he can rebuild his soul.
Basic Tarot Meaning
With Mars as its ruling planet, the Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower, as Wang points out, stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." When the Querent gets this card, they can expect to be shaken up, to be blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.
Thirteen's Observations
No card scares a Tarot reader like the Tower - or the person they're reading for if that person knows anything about Tarot cards. It is however one of the clearest cards when it comes to meaning. False structures, false institutions, false beliefs are going to come tumbling down, suddenly, violently and all at once. What's important to remember as a tarot reader is that the one you're reading for likely does not know that something is false. Not yet. To the contrary, they probably believe that their lover is being faithful, that their religious beliefs are true and right, that there are no problems in their family structure, that everything is fine at work...oh, and that they're fine. Just fine, really.
Alas, they're about to get a very rude awakening. Shaken up, torn down, blown asunder. And all a reader can really do to soften the blow is assure the Querent that it is for the best. Nothing built on a lie, on falsehoods, can remain standing for long. Better to tear it all down and rebuild on the truth. It is not going to be pleasant or painless or easy, but it will be for the best.
~Snuggledust |
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| Which one am I really??? |
[Oct. 17th, 2004|12:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | SR71 - Say Goodbye | ] |
OR
I must say I'd rather be a 12 with style and no bad qualities because I was born that way.... what do you think??? which one am I huh. I bet none of you really know, because I rarely let her out in public... Hell I rarely let her out at all!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know you tell me.
~Snuggledust |
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| ...? Huh |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|12:35 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dashboard Confessional - Several Ways to Die Trying | ] |
well it's late night not that's new to me... well I start classes tomorrow and I'm not sure how to feel about that. Hell I'm not sure how to feel about anything these days. I was out with Amy today and I just started to zone... she got all upset [well not really but she hates when I suddenly turn quite] she's like "what are you thinking about"... I don't know, there is just too much to take in right now... and I just get to add school to all my pressures [Big Fun] I just have been getting quite at odd times... it's like I find a second to stop and I turn numb for a minute. I just stop feeling and it feels so good...........
So I really want to write but between seeing people and running errands with BUB plus the unexpected but very much appreciated phone call from Sean for 2 1/2 hours I have no time really... actually I chose to set out clothes for the morning and file a hang nail instead of writing my most recent sagas.... I hope to say more soon.
~Snuggledust |
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| Crispy // sizzle sizzle // POOF |
[Aug. 9th, 2004|08:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Matchbox Twenty - Kody | ] |
I'm burnt out... need I say more. I have lots to say, loads to say but hey organizing my week, seeing Mom and trying to set my life to order will keep one busy... I have no energy to ramble as I tend to do.
AHHHHHH and I'm sooooooooo tierd... I'm heading to bed early tonight, screw the ironing of Mom's that I wanted to finish. But Mom's better even more and being moved once again to another unit.............. can we say HELL YEAH! :) I'm one enthusiasticly tierd young woman. [okay so I'm starting to sound wierd again... ]
To all my friends who've been around here's a big THANK YOU ::HUGGLES:: I'm home now so call me here and there I'm done.
Good Night ~ Snuggledust |
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snuggledust's journal
uncomfortable